Feeling resentful in your relationships? Here’s how to diffuse it…

How do you handle resentment?

This week’s email theme is thanks to my husband, Josh.

Over the past 3 weeks, I’ve been reflecting on the topic of resentment and its impact on relationships.

Actually, I’ve been doing more than reflecting. 

Josh has been on a trip away. And I’ve been stretched beyond belief on the home front.

I’ve been forced to work through tough emotions.

One of those emotions – resentment – has popped it’s head up in conversations with clients, friends, and even in a few whingy posts on social.

Resentment in relationships is like a festering wound

If left untreated and unaddressed, resentment can lead to unresolved feelings. Lingering hurt. And bitterness.

Dr John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher from The Gottman Institute shares that resentment is the biggest predictor of divorce.

I was worried.

How do I avoid resentment from infecting my relationship?

Express appreciation for the other person

While it may not always come naturally or easily, choosing to show gratitude and acknowledge positive qualities when we’ve been rolling our eyes until then – isn’t easy.

How will I choose to show up?

The concept of the Leadership Shadow helped me put resentment into perspective:

Leadership is a behaviour, not a fancy title.

Our behaviour casts long shadows as leaders – we influence many by:
What we say.
What we do.
What we recognise.
And what we prioritise.

Similarly, we can nurture our relationships through intentional thoughts and actions.

With this in mind, I worked through resentment before Josh got home… treating the wound before it got infected.

I could then shower him with genuinely loving, welcome vibes when he stepped off the plane. 

What do you resent in your relationships?

How will you choose to show up?